My name is Colleen, and I'm passive aggressive.
I know the point of life is to learn...strive towards the ultimate goal of self-actualisation, all of that. And once I learn a lesson, I am grateful for the tutelage that life provided me. But the actual learning of the lesson? That's always hard. And I learned today that I am a bonafide passive-aggressive.
I won't go into the details of how I learned this, mainly because I'm ashamed of myself. But I discovered something important...I've always known that the reason I avoid difficult topics and conversations is that I'm terrified of confrontation. The idea of upsetting or insulting or offending someone, even inadvertantly, makes me physically sick to my stomach. But sometimes it's better to say something important that might be hurtful quickly. If you don't, then frankly, you're showing disrespect to the person you tried to avoid hurting in the first place. Obviously, if the hurtful comment isn't totally essential, it's best to leave it alone, but if it's something that absolutely has to be said, then it's disrespectful not to say it, as long as it's said in the gentlest possible way and with nothing but the best intentions. If things remain unsaid and you avoid conflict, all that will happen is a bigger confrontation once everything eventually comes out-and it most definitely will, of that you can be sure. So what's better in the long run-avoid confrontation out of fear as long as possible until you're forced to deal with not only the original problem but the compounded one of already hurt feelings, or just showing respect and getting it over with quickly? Obviously option B is rationally preferable, but I can't help making the mistake of choosing option A over and over again.
But I think I've finally learned my lesson. I've always considered myself a person who shows others the respect I would myself like to be shown. But dishonesty is certainly a form of disrespect, even if you think you're trying to be nice. My next goal on my road to self-improvement-man up and deal with problems when they arise. Everyone will be happier in the end.
p.s. sorry about the lame Grey's Anatomy quote for a title, but it just fit so well with the theme....