Globe-Trotting

Hello, gentle readers! My apologies for the prolonged absence...it's been one of those crazy months without much of a break to speak of. But I'm back now from the great beyond, and shall proceed to fill your heads with the brainless minutia of my life that I know you've come to love so deeply. :/

First, the school update. Things are going reasonably well with my course; I've only got 5 weeks of class left, then my life becomes Dissertation Centrale. Our topics are officially due on March 2nd, which means I've really got to get on that whole picking a topic thing. I know I want to do something regarding the relationship between Judas and Satan in the Middle Ages, but I just need to shape it and sort out exactly what I need to be researching. Should be pretty interesting though-I'm excited.

Enough of the whole school thing-on to fares of a more interesting nature. I've decided I'm definitely going to stay in London for at least another year, hopefully more. I've already agreed to live with my friends Alicia and Joe as of this May, which should be tons of fun. Normally living with a couple might be a bit awkward, but I'm really close friends with both of them, so I'm not concerned. I think it will be great fun. Now I just need to commence the job search so that I can in fact afford to live here for another year without having to set up residence in a cardboard box.

In other more exciting news, I just got back from an impromtu trip to Amsterdam, which was awesome. I was out drinking with a group of friends last Wednesday, and one of them was like, "Hey, I've got to go to Amsterdam to do some research, who wants in?" Obviously, everyone said yes. However, sobriety-induced reason caused everyone but me to drop out afterwards, and it ended up just being me and my friend Caddy tooling around Holland for 3 days, which ended up being a lot of fun. We didn't really know each other all that well when we left, but we sure do now-being in a confined space with someone for 80+ hours will do that to you. We're both extremely easy-going, so it worked out really well, I think. We even ended up making a big group of friends in a trannie bar. Backstory: we were hanging around our hostel drinking beer and smoking some weed (it was Amsterdam, after all), when we decided that we should try and go clubbing, being on vacation and everything. So we got gussied up and went outside, only to remember that it was FREEZING at night in Amsterdam in February. Instead of wandering around looking for a club, we chickened out and ended up going into the first bar we found-which, naturally, ended up being a transexual karaoke bar. And it was awesome. We instantly made friends with a whole bunch of people who kept dragging us up onstage and having us sing with them. We then appeased them by singing some Phantom of the Opera for them, which started a trend of musical theatre-themed karaoke from there on out. One of the guys just so happened to be a salsa instructor, and he and I cut a rug for a good 30 minutes, which was a ton of fun. Another hilarity-ensuing moment: while Caddy was outside smoking, one of the men we were talking to came up to me and asked if I would mind if he flirted with my boyfriend. Now, the nice thing to say would have been either A) "he's not actually my boyfriend, but he is straight, so I don't think you'll get very far; it's not really worth trying" (the truth), or B) "Actually, I'm kind of a jealous girlfriend, and I don't really like it when people hit on him" (blatant lie, but would have achieved the desired effect). Of course, being the awesome friend that I am, I went for option C) "Of course not! I'm actually really confident in our relationship, so go ahead and hit on him as much as you want. In fact, if you can win him from me, you can have him!"

I'm the nicest friend EVER.

Anyway, long story short (too late), the evening was a complete drunken success with lots of fun had by all. I know there's photographic evidence of all this, but I don't have it-as soon as it goes up on facebook, I'll pirate some of the pictures and post them for your enjoyment.

Anywho, that's about all I've got for interesting anecdotes at the moment. I promise to update more regularly; my current show closes next Saturday, so I'll have a lot more free time on my hands as of next weekend. Until then, aribaderci!

There is an Island Called Passive-Aggressiva...and I am Their Queen

My name is Colleen, and I'm passive aggressive.

I know the point of life is to learn...strive towards the ultimate goal of self-actualisation, all of that. And once I learn a lesson, I am grateful for the tutelage that life provided me. But the actual learning of the lesson? That's always hard. And I learned today that I am a bonafide passive-aggressive.

I won't go into the details of how I learned this, mainly because I'm ashamed of myself. But I discovered something important...I've always known that the reason I avoid difficult topics and conversations is that I'm terrified of confrontation. The idea of upsetting or insulting or offending someone, even inadvertantly, makes me physically sick to my stomach. But sometimes it's better to say something important that might be hurtful quickly. If you don't, then frankly, you're showing disrespect to the person you tried to avoid hurting in the first place. Obviously, if the hurtful comment isn't totally essential, it's best to leave it alone, but if it's something that absolutely has to be said, then it's disrespectful not to say it, as long as it's said in the gentlest possible way and with nothing but the best intentions. If things remain unsaid and you avoid conflict, all that will happen is a bigger confrontation once everything eventually comes out-and it most definitely will, of that you can be sure. So what's better in the long run-avoid confrontation out of fear as long as possible until you're forced to deal with not only the original problem but the compounded one of already hurt feelings, or just showing respect and getting it over with quickly? Obviously option B is rationally preferable, but I can't help making the mistake of choosing option A over and over again.

But I think I've finally learned my lesson. I've always considered myself a person who shows others the respect I would myself like to be shown. But dishonesty is certainly a form of disrespect, even if you think you're trying to be nice. My next goal on my road to self-improvement-man up and deal with problems when they arise. Everyone will be happier in the end.

p.s. sorry about the lame Grey's Anatomy quote for a title, but it just fit so well with the theme....